When Peter gets hurt and can't work, his boss tells him he needs to speed things up. So Lois goes to the brewery to help him out. Meanwhile, Stewie finds out that Brian is dating a very attractive but not very intelligent woman. He tries to get Brian to break up with her, but Brian can't do it.

Lois discovers that Chris has some bad information about sex and she volunteers to teach a sex-ed class at the high school. Some parents become upset with her brutal honesty, and they have her replaced. A conservative christian comes to Quahog and gets rid of the condoms at James Woods High. As a result the kids find an interesting loophole. Meanwhile Stewie, terrified of the Tooth Fairy, decides to set traps to destroy him.

Stewie ties the knot with his old flame Olivia, but their relationship quickly turns, and becomes normal dull marriage. It all escalates when they go on a double date with Brian and Jillian. Meanwhile, Lois introduces Peter to chick flicks, so he decides to make his own movie with a plot based on every chick movie ever.

Meg can't find a date to her junior prom, and even though he is dating Jillian, Brian ends up going with Meg. At the prom, Brian gets drunk to make the night pass, but ends up making out with Meg. Meg begins to think of Brian as her boyfriend and becomes obsessed with spending every moment with him. Meanwhile, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire join the police force to help Brian.

Lois gets a job as the church organist, so the family decides to begin going back to church. When Stewie gets sick after receiving communion, the congregation becomes convinced that he has been possessed by the devil. While on the run, the family ends up in Texas, where Peter begins to fit right in with the cowboys, Stewie enters the "Little Miss Texas" pageant, and Chris and Meg sneak into George W. Bush's house.

Peter convinces Brian to move in with his girlfriend Jillian and Stewie tags along to help pay the rent but he tries to interfere with their relationship. Meanwhile Meg and Chris get jobs at the convenience store where Chris befriends the manager Carl who leaves Meg to do all the work. Carl soon fires her and promotes Chris to the co-boss.

When Brian discovers that his beloved Jillian is getting married, he hits the sauce to drown his sorrows. The next morning, he wakes up with more than a hangover. After realizing he has hooked up with "The Hills" star Lauren Conrad, he wants to run and hide. When Brian discovers Lauren is nothing like how she's portrayed on TV, he thinks he may have found his perfect match – if only he can let Jillian go.

In this murder mystery special, The Griffins as well as all the other major characters become trapped in a mansion while they are killed off one by one.

Stewie’s favorite thing after his teddy bear, Rupert, is Christmas. So when he hears that Santa is making an appearance at the mall, he begs Brian to take him so that he can tell Santa in person what he wants for Christmas. Brian begrudgingly takes Stewie to the mall, only to get the brush-off from Santa. As a result, Stewie and Brian travel to the North Pole to find Santa and teach him a lesson in holiday cheer.

On Valentine's Day, Meg goes on a date with a guy she met online, and Lois and Peter stay in bed all day; Brian is visited by his ex-girlfriends.