The story follows a light-bulb-head orphan, named Otto Osworth, who is under the watchful eye of the nasty nun of the School for Wayward Tots, named Sister Thornly, who treats him badly for reading history books. Otto soon finds his ticket out of the orphanage, by using his knowledge of history to talk time cop Buck Tuddrussel and his robot Larry into abducting him. He is suddenly zapped to the satellite and to Eli Whitney's time where they must convince him to invent the cotton gin, not the flesh-eating robot.

It's a mission to Napoleon, the conqueror. Tuddrussel upsets him, and they almost get their heads cut off. (When it comes to Larry, the word "almost" just doesn't fit!) Suddenly his wife comes along and drags him home! Can Time Squad help him get away to conquer again, away from his husband-conquering wife?

Confucius was famous for coming up with short phrases. "Short phrases?" any one of the three Time Squad members might say. "You've got to be kidding!" And it's true! He's making his stories way too long! But will Tuddrussel's beating him up help?