Thing 1 and Thing 2, a set of bodyguards hired off of Dougs-list show down with Jeb, a megalomaniacal hitman who has a past with Thing 1, over an elusive mason jar holding a vital liquid that could change the course of humanity forever.

Karl Gordon, an underemployed pizza delivery boy, works in his quiet suburban hometown where romantic, professional, and social failures fuel his hatred for the changing world around him, setting him on a course that can only lead to carnage.