Lisa's friendship with Fat Tony's son Michael prompts mob boss Tony to invite the Simpsons over for dinner. Michael says he'd rather be a chef than take over the family business, but that's before Tony is shot by a rival mobster.

A child psychiatrist suggests drumming to channel Bart's energy, and the boy proves he's got the beat when he shows some talent on the skins.

Marge reads Homer's carpentry books and becomes very handy at fixing things. Gender bias keeps the townspeople from accepting a female carpenter, so Marge pretends that Homer does the work. Meanwhile, Bart torments Skinner when he learns the principal has an extreme allergy to peanuts.

Homer is bamboozled by Army recruiters and winds up in basic training, where he runs afoul of a tough-minded colonel and is assigned to play the enemy in war games.

Lisa sees poetry in the notes Moe sticks to the walls of his hotel room, so she sends his work to a poetry journal, which publishes it, making Moe the toast of the literary circuit.

Homer is fired and decides to buy an ice-cream truck. Marge makes use of the mountains of Popsicle sticks from Homer's ice-cream consumption by creating sculptures of Springfield citizens with them, leading to a feature about her on the news.

When Bart ends up the only guest at Nelson's birthday party, the bully decides he's his best friend and goes about protecting Bart in a parody of "Goodfellas." Meanwhile, Homer reads Lisa to sleep and debates on whether to reveal the book's sad ending to her.

Homer jumps into a brawl during a holiday ice-skating show. To escape the melee, Marge takes the family Christmas shopping, where a chance encounter with Gil leads to bad luck for Gil and the Simpson clan.

Selma and Patti's home movies make Marge nostalgic for the Barnacle Bay vacations of her youth, so Homer takes the family there, but the area has changed since the Bouviers were little girls.

Homer learns three lessons about revenge from stories told by Marge, Lisa and Bart that parody "The Count of Monte Cristo," "Revenge of the Nerds" and "Batman Begins."

Lisa pretends to be Native American for multicultural day at school. Meanwhile, Bart finds love with an older woman.

A documentary filmmaker who interviewed a group of Springfield schoolchildren 32 years ago has followed up at eight-year intervals to film how their lives have unfolded.

Bart has to see a psychiatrist after he starts a panic at school by telling a story about a murderous cafeteria worker. Meanwhile, Lisa tries to civilize Cletus Spuckler's hillbilly children, with mixed results.

Selma and Grampa embark on a May-December romance, and Bart and Lisa get into trouble with deliverymen over cardboard boxes.

After a celebrity scandal is accidentally captured in a family photo, Homer decides to become a paparazzo.

Marge goes online for the first time and becomes obsessed with a role-playing game that Bart and many of their neighbors are playing. Meanwhile, Lisa develops her own obsession--for soccer--and Homer becomes a referee.

Bart goes from hero to goat on his Little League team after an error in the championship game. Meanwhile, Homer falls asleep on a bed in a department store. When he's awakened, he raves about the mattress and is given a job as a salesman.

Homer, Apu, Moe and Skinner volunteer as firemen after Homer's sleepwalking accident injures the town's firefighters. They do some light looting at the fires to make up for not being compensated, but Marge and Lisa shame them into mending their ways.

The Simpsons' pooch, Santa's Little Helper, becomes a police dog.

In a parody of "24," the school's Counter Truancy Unit tries to stop three sixth-graders planning to disrupt the school bake sale with a stink bomb.

Newsman Kent Brockman is fired for swearing on the air when Homer dumps coffee in his lap, but Lisa gets Brockman back in the game with her Webcam.